The Living Room Series
NEHEMIAH
A heart that can break
By: Kelly Minter
Week 1:
AWESTRUCK!!
Where to begin.... OK, new group, new people, exciting! nervous! iffy.... is this a group for me, what are my expectations, what are they going to expect from ME... AHHHH BUT they welcomed me and were very nice and I was inspired. I often do book groups and ((are you ready for a big SECRET)) I sometimes don't read the book. I know... SHOCKING! sometimes life just overwhelms me and I just don't feel it. I was nervous of that happening here too! BUT I made a point (even though I was interrupted almost 2000X) I completed day 1 of the study. WOW!~ OK, my confirmation from God was right there! I have this saying, "with knowledge comes responsibility"... If you tell me something I am responsible to potentially act on this knowledge.. I say this A LOT! And, guess what day 1 was about!??! Yep, you got it! Being responsible for what you know. HOLY CONFIRMATION (literally!). It hasn't taken a lot more for me then that. I felt like God spoke right to me and said, "I want you here Tara, I have good stuff to share with you, we are on a journey, join me".... This made me emotional and excited and scared all at the same time!
Day 2.... after day 1 I was kinda expecting a bit of let down... but NOPE not even a bit! Day 2 of this study was about a lot of things but 2 of them knocked me off my feet.... #1 unfailing love. It is always a great reminder to read about God's unfailing love and studying what that means and how that directly impacts MY LIFE! #2 was the big one though for me.... It asked me to describe the last time I was awestruck by God. I named an event a few months ago and then the next paragraph says this... (I am going to paraphrase a bit here).... I long to have God's awestruck moments in my life and that I settle for so much less. It's not God who isn't doing or willing but it is ME settling for so much less! A mediocre worship experience from God because I AM not seeking more! ... ouch! YES, TRUE! I prayed a lot after this because there are some BIG things going to be happening in our home soon and this just fit with what I had going on in my thoughts.... I called a friend and was sharing with her this thought pattern and she said something that just KNOCKED ME OVER! Are you accepting medicare because of self preservation? I am a control freak and I am looking for God to let me down because I don't want to get hurt. WOW, God SO DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY. If I get hurt he has a reason and is there and is a part of all that... who am I to tell HIM what I can handle???? I am choosing LESS because of my fear to TRUST HIM to KNOW WHAT IS BEST FOR ME- self preservation... I think I have found something I need to pray about and release! I always say I don't want to NOT do something out of FEAR but now I am finding I am doing it to try to not be hurt... that is not trust! That is not giving God control! Tara J. get on the boat and stop swimming in circles around it! AWESTRUCK- something I need and want from him!
Couldn't move on from there because I need more time on day 2! He'll tell me when it's time to move!
